Anime Insurance
by Catbeast Aisha
Summary: Just a funny, what if. Who gives insurance to anime characters anyway? Multiple anime.


Hi, my name is Sam. I'm a sane guy who happened to get thrown in the nut house for telling the truth. Everyone thought I was crazy when I told them what happened on the first day of my job as an insurance salesman. If I had only listened to my mother about not becoming a salesman or at least paid attention to the rumors I heard from the company employees. You see, it had been an average day and I was looking for an insurance company to hire me. I finally found a job at the fifth one but they warned me about the area they were sending me to. I don't remember what they said exactly, might have saved me some trouble if I did. I accepted the job, mistake number one. Number two was going to a place called Nerima.  
I went to the first house there and was greeted by a boy with his black hair done in a ponytail and wearing a red Chinese shirt. After explaining to him about selling insurance he gave me a double take.  
'Are you for real?' he asked.  
After assuring him I was, he called for a girl named Nabiki. He explained who I was and she invited me in quickly, too quickly now that I think about it. It was as though she was afraid I'd change my mind about selling them insurance. Anyway, once we got to talking I found her to be an excellent bargainer. I explained what we covered, 'Why,' I told her, 'what other insurance company covers damage if a panda and a redhead girl get into a fight in front of your house? Or covers medical bills caused by a purple haired Chinese girl riding a bike or repairs on the house if some intruder comes and you need to defend yourself but your house gets damaged? We do,' I said. She quickly signed the papers before another word could escape my mouth. That's when I heard some yells and sounds of a fight. I rushed outside to where the noise seemed to be coming from. There was a loud splash and I was soaked with water from a pond I had seen upon entering. Out of the pond jumped a panda that was quickly followed by a redheaded girl. The two were so intent fighting that they didn't even see me (or the wall they broke when the girl hit the panda). Suddenly I heard a 'ding-ding' sound like that of a bell. It was a bell, a bike bell, a bike bell that a purple haired Chinese chick rode into the redhead's face. If that wasn't enough I heard a scream come from the inside of the house. I raced in to find a girl with short hair chasing after a, I swear this, a two foot wrinkled old man! She had a mallet in her hands and was trying to smash him with it, trying being the key word there. Every time she missed a hole appeared in the floor from her mallet. He laughed at her and continued running. As for me, I couldn't take it any more, I left.  
After getting as far away from that house as I could, I bumped into a young man wearing a bandana. He said he was lost and asked me where Nerima was. I said he was in Nerima. He burst into tears than ran the in the opposite direction I had come from. I couldn't blame him, I wanted to cry and run out of there too.  
I continued till I found another house not in the Nerima district. I knocked on the door and was greeted by a woman with her black hair done in a bun. When I explained about selling insurance she too invited me in. After the disaster in Nerima, I mentioned about our company being the only one to 'Pay for landscape repairs is a fat, pink alien ever shows up and fights a super hero on your property'. She bought it and I left quite happy, till I glanced in the sky. There was a pink dot rapidly approaching and getting bigger and bigger by the minute. It landed near me and began chanting 'Me eat you up! Me eat you up!'. I was down right shocked. Imagine, then, how I felt when some guy in a funky costume appeared doing bad Power Ranger poses saying he was the Great Saiyaman.  
Needless to say, I got outta there as quick as I could. I got far enough away to see several explosions near the house. Cursing my luck, I debated on weather or not I should continue. I decided to continue which was my third mistake.  
Instead of houses, I tried a school named Juuban High, I figured what could I lose? I talked to the principal and explained about all the great deals we had. When he hesitated I said, 'Come sir, do you know of any insurance company that will pay for the damage and medical bills if any monster is sent by an evil being and attacks the students and/or school? We also cover any damage girls in mini skirts might cause while attacking the thing'. He signed the papers so quick I thought they'd catch fire. I left thinking 'No way this could happen. It was too farfetched, girls in mini skirts fighting monsters, HA!'.  
When I walked across the parking lot guess what I happened to run into. If you guessed a ten-foot, fanged monster with the ability to breath fire then you're right. Next thing I know it grabs me and dangles me over its huge mouth allowing me the displeasure of seeing its fangs. Before it could drop me in it's mouth, a gold disc hit it's hand and it dropped me on the cement. Out of the shadow came these five girls in sailor fukas (or mini skirts) babbling about 'love and justice'. I was almost happy when the monster attacked them. When they began to fight I snuck away exasperated. Someone, I thought, must have it in for me up there.  
I stopped at a house and presented myself to a girl who lived there, I believe her name was Shaula. I found several pictures hung up and was surprised to see a wedding picture wither her and the bandana wearing guy that I met earlier but I kept it to myself. I offered her insurance and she asked why my company was so different from the others. 'Because,' I answered,' what other company would insure you if a evil possessed rodent causes damage to your house?' For whatever reason she signed. The lights flickered and I looked towards the ceiling. 'Your fuse?' I asked.  
'Can't be, we just changed it,' she answered.  
Then I heard a small noise and saw a fast yellow blur of fur. It stopped right in front of Shaula.  
'Not you again!' she screamed and a katana appeared in her hands.  
I couldn't see why she was so upset over the small yellow creature that kept saying 'Pikachu' over and over but that's just me. Anyway, she yelled at it again, which must have spooked it because I suddenly found that my body was home to more than 500 watts of electricity. While they fought I made a quick escape.  
I ought to have stopped then but I was stupid. I went to a shrine that was a little further away in some mountain area. I spoke to an older gentleman there who was debating on buying or not. I quickly told him of one of the lesser-used deals. 'We pay for any property damaged caused by two girls fighting over the same guy they love if at least one of them has extraordinary powers. We also cover any plane related crashes or rodent removal costs (I threw in the last one because before I entered I saw this weird brown thing hopping around)'. He signed and I tried to get the heck out of there before anything happened. I didn't move fast enough though I suppose. I saw a purple haired girl with some flying logs attacking a flying blue haired girl who was firing red blasts at her. I then heard a whistling sound and looked up in the sky. I wish I hadn't. Some kind of plane was falling and heading for the lake nearby. I ran as far from that place as I could but I ran into a pink haired girl. 'Great,' she smiled,' someone to test my portable time machine on!'. Before I could do or say anything she pressed a button on a silver box she was holding. The scenery blurred and I found myself face to face with another redhead (though this one was considerably flatter than the other one, if you catch my drift) and some other odd people. Being the good, or stupid, salesman I am; I offered to sell them insurance. Turns out none of them knew what that was. Noting their weapons, I tried to explain it in a way they could understand.  
'If you get badly wounded' I said 'we'd pay for your medical care'  
The redhead became enraged. 'Do you think we are weak?!' she yelled.  
'No! No!' I quickly said 'It's just in case something happens unexpectedly and you get hurt.'  
'You don't think I can take care of myself?!' she yelled louder 'Try this for unexpected!'  
She began chanting something and I noticed that her friends had taken cover. That made me think I should do the same as well but yet again I was too slow.  
'DRAGON SLAVE!!!' she screamed.  
The last thing I remember is a bright red light, then I found myself staring into the eyes of a lady who introduced herself as Belldandy. I offered to sell her insurance which would cover any computer damage. I thought it was so simple and common that if it did happen it wouldn't be that big a deal, some small virus or something. Mistake number four, I should've learned to expect the unexpected by now. After she signed everything was normal enough, she even invited me for tea. I declined her offer and was leaving when I heard an explosion. A chard figure emerged from a nearby room.  
'Belldandy, the computer blew,' she said.  
'Don't worry,' Belldandy answered pleasantly, ' I just bought some insurance that should cover it.'  
I quickly left that place and came to an apartment complex. I entered and knocked on one of the doors. A man opened it and after hearing me out asked if I offered insurance against digital monsters. Surprisingly enough, the company did. We struck a deal when two teens came in being followed by a furry creature with a gold horn and a flying orange thing.  
'Dad, we got a problem,' the older one began.  
'Some Digimon are heading this way and are causing major damage!' the younger one continued.  
'Digimon?' I asked.  
'Digital monsters,' the father explained.  
I hightailed it out of there and was determined to make one good sale that wouldn't cost the company money. That was mistake number five, I should've quit even though I wasn't ahead.  
I found another house and was let in by a kind woman who said she would be happy to buy my insurance if it covered temperamental robot repairs. It turned out we did so she signed the papers. As she did so, a kid with black hair ran by with a yellow robot chasing after him and yelling.  
'Don't run up the stairs!' she called out cheerfully as they passed the room.  
Moments later a crash was heard and the two lay at the bottom of the stairs in a heap.  
'Told you,' she said. 'Are you both okay?'  
'I think so,' the kid answered.  
'I think my back armor cracked,' the robot replied.  
'How could it have?! You landed on me!' the kid yelled.  
'Looks like that insurance will come in handy,' the lady said, leading me out.  
After that I gave up. I returned to the insurance company and told them all that had happened. They declared I was 'nuts' and threw me in here. No one believed me and I doubt they will, that is until several unhappy people appear demanding for their money. Personally, I hope the mallet chick, the pink haired girl with the portable time machine, the blue haired laser firing girl, the yellow mouse, the thing with the gold horn, and the girl who could blow up computers all pay the company a visit on the same day. Indeed, I would gain much pleasure from that! I wonder, does the insurance company cover a situation like that too?  
  
Okay, for those of you who don't know all the shows and characters this is for you, in the order the shows appeared in: Ranma ½ (Ranma, Nabiki, Akane, Happosai, and Genma) Dragon Ball Z (Chi-chi, Majin Buu, and the Great Saiyaman Sailor Moon (Sailor Moon, Sailor Mars, Sailor Mercury, Sailor Jupiter, and Sailor Venus) Pokemon (Pikachu ) Tenchi (Ryo-oki, Ryoko, Ayeka, Azaka and Kamadake , Grandfather , and Washu) Slayers (Linna and her crew) Oh My Goddess ( Belldandy and Skuld) Digimon (Matt, TK, their dad, Gabumon , and Patamon ) Meta Bots (Ikki, Metabee, and Ikki's mom)  
None of the people/things/creatures/places were mine except Sam and the ten-foot, fanged fire breathing monster 


End file.
